A new kind of fight
by ImaLamia
Summary: Ok... I was really board... I'm not gonna tell you what it is though... you can send in a review to tell me who you think won... WARNING! EXTEREM CUSSING ALERT!


**KEY!! **you may want to know this...

**bold: the name of the person speaking**

_Italics: sang or in this case rapped_

normal: spoken

_OxOxOxOxOxOxOxO_

**ImaLamia**: Yo! Whats up peeps!

**Seras**: Ummmm... Countess Lamia what are you doing?

**ImaLamia**: what? Me getten into charater for my new story today. And why did you call me countess?

**Seras**: Because it sounds cool, and you didnt like the other greetings I came up with. And another thing. Why do you talk like that?

**ImaLamia**: Like what?

**Seras**: Well... every time you mean to say I, you say me.

**ImaLamia**: Oh, Because me like to sound silly.

**Seras**: God I swear sometimes you act like a 13 year old...

**ImaLamia**: Me am 13!!

**Seras**: a very odd 13 year old. Okay what your story today

**ImaLamia**: Ok, go get Alucard and Anderson... They'll love this..

(seras runs out of room. when she is out of sight she gets on her knees and prays for Anderson and Alucard not to kill each other or try to kill someone else)

**ImaLamia**: OK!! Hi peoples!! This is my story 'a new kind of battle' and just so that you are warned... this may have some serious cussing issues... ya... so don't report me into the police... then I'll be sad... :( ... sad face. OR don't be mad at me... cause me warned you...

**Seras:** Countess Lamia, Im back!

**ImaLamia**: Whoa your right. that does sound cool and thanks. were they any trouble.

**Seras**: (shrugs) Not so much Master then Anderson. Master really seems to have taken a liking to you. He says it's refreshing to no that someone else is crazier then himself. Plus he finds you humor funny too. Even though I hate it.

**Alucard**: You only hate it because it is always directed toward you...

**ImaLamia**: YA!! All we did was trip you down the stairs once and now you completely avoid me unless it is necessary.

**Seras**: ISN'T ONCE ENOUGH??

**Alucard and ImaLamia**: Nope...

(Anderson comes in)

**Anderson**: What does a daughter of darkness want with mae.

**ImaLamia**: Oh Right. The story... Ok well Alucard and Anderson are going to fight...

**Alucard**: Finally!!

**Seras**: NOOOOOOOO!!

**Anderson**: YYYEEESSS!!

**ImaLamia**: Hold your horses boys... not that kind of fight. Don't you guys read the titles? God, we're going to have a rap contest!!

**Alucard**: Rap?

**ImaLamia**: Yes sir'ie. Rap... Its going to be against you two and me and Seras will judge.

**Seras**: It sounds safe.

**ImaLamia**: Ya pretty much plus this could be pretty funny... I want to see what they come up with..

**Alucard**: This could be interesting...

**Anderson**: You bet will...

**ImaLamia**: OKAY!! Lets get this started!! Alucard, Anderson.. remember you hate each other... GO!!

**Alucard**: _Say what, say what? Say what, say what Say what, say what Say what, say what _

**Anderson**: _My dick is bigger than yours... _

**Alucard**: _Ooooooooh Say what, say what? Say what, say what Say what, say what_

**Anderson**: _My band is bigger than yours..._

**Alucard**: _Too bad I got your beans in my bag You stuck-up sucka, korny motherfucka Takin' over flows is the limp pimp Need a Bizkit to save this crew from Jon Davis I'm gonna drop a little east side skill Ya best step back 'cuz I'm 'a kill, I'm 'a kill So, whatcha thinkin' Mr. Raggedy man?  
Doin' all you can to look like Raggedy Ann _

**Anderson**: _Check you out, punk; yes I know you feel it You look like one of those dancers from the Hanson video, you little faggot ho Please give me some shit to wank with 'cuz right now I'm all it kid, suck my dick kid, like your daddy did _

**Alucard**: _Who the fuck you think you're talking to? _

(**Anderson:** Me)

**Alucard:** _I'm known for eatin' little whiny chumps like you _

(**Anderson**: Whatever)

**Alucard**: _All up in my face with that... _

(**Anderson**: Are you ready?!)

**Alucard**:_ But halitosis is all you're rockin' steady You little fairy, smelling on your flowers Nappy hairy chest, look it's Austin Powers! _

(**Anderson**: Ah, yeah baby!)

**Alucard**: _I hear ya tweetin' on them fag-pipes Clyde But you said it best, there's No Place To Hide_

**Anderson**: _What the fuck ya sayin'? You're a pimp whatever, limp dick.  
Fred Durst needs to rehearse, needs to reverse what he's sayin' Wannabe funk doobiest is what you're playin'  
Rippin' up a bad counterfeit, fakin!  
Plus your bills I'm payin!_  
you can't eat that shit every day, Fred. Lay off the bacon.

**Alucard**: _Say what, say what? You better watch your fuckin' mouth, Jon. _

**Anderson**:_ So, you hate me_

**Alucard**: _and I hate you!_

**Anderson**: _You know what, you know what?_

**Both**: _It's all in the family_

**Anderson**: _I hate you_

**Alucard**: _and you hate me _

**Anderson**: _you know what? _

**Both**: _It's all in the family_

**Anderson**: _Look at you fool, I'm gonna fuck you up twice __Throwin' rhymes at me like, oh shit alright, Vanilla Ice Ya better run, run while ya can Can never fuck me up, Bisc Limpkit At least I got a P.H.A.T. original band _

**Alucard**: _Who's hot, who's not? _

(**Anderson**: You)

**Alucard**: _You best step back, Korn on the cob, You need a new job Time to take them mic skills back to the dentist and buy yourself a new grill. _

(**Anderson**: Fuck you!)

**Alucard**: _You pumpkin pie, I'll jack-off in your eye Climbing shoots and ladders, while your ego shatters But you just can't get away _

(**Anderson**: Get a gay?)

**Alucard**: _Because it's doomsday kid, it's doomsday_.

**Anderson**: _So, I hate you_

**Alucard**: _and you hate me!_

**Anderson**: _You know what, you know what?_

**Both**: _It's all in the family_

**Anderson**: _I hate you _

**Alucard**: _and you hate me _

**Anderson**: _You know what, you know what? _

**Both**: _It's all in the family_

**Alucard**: _You call yourself a singer? _

(**Anderson**: Yep)

**Alucard**: _You're more like Jerry Springer_.

(**Anderson**: Oh cool!)

**Alucard**: _Your favorite band is winger _

(**Anderson**: Winger?)

**Alucard**: _And all you eat is Zingers You're like a Fruity Pebble Your favorite flag is rebel _

(**Anderson**: Yeeeeeehaaaaaa!!)

**Alucard**: _It's just too bad that you're a fag and on a lower level. _

**Anderson:** _So you're from Jacksonville kickin' it like Buffalo Bill.  
Gettin' butt-fucked by your uncle Chuck, while your sister's on her knees waitin' for your little peanut. _

**Alucard**: _Wait, where'd ya get that little dance? _

(**Anderson**: Over here)

**Alucard:** _Like them idiots in Waco, you're burning up in Bako where your father had your mother, your mother had your brother, _

(**Anderson**: naahaa)

**Alucard**: _it's just too bad your father's mad your mother's now your lover. _

**Anderson**:_Come on hillbilly, can your horse do a fuckin' wheelie?  
You love it down south and boy, you sure do got a purdy mouth _

**Anderson**: _I hate you! _

**Alucard**: _and you hate me! _

**Anderson**: _You know what, you know what? _

**Both**: _It's all in the family_

**Anderson**: _And I hate you_

**Alucard**: _and you hate me_

**Anderson**: _you know what, you know what?_

**Both**: _It's all in my family_

**Anderson**: _and I love you!_

**Alucard**: _and I want you!_

**Anderson:** _and I'll suck you!_

**Alucard:** _and I'll fuck you!_

**Anderson:** _and I'll butt-fuck you!_

**Alucard**: _and I'll eat you!_

**Anderson**: _and I'll lick your little dick, motherfucka'. _

**Alucard**: _Say what? _Say... whaaaat?

**ImaLamia**: (Busts out laughing) Oh my fucken god!! Dude that was FUNNY!! Expertly the ending..

**Seras**: (wide eyes) I don't think Anderson was joking... and Master.. probably just got caught up in the moment...

(They look at Anderson and Alucard; Alucard has his guns pointed at him and he is screaming)

**Alucard**: STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU RAPIST BASTARD!!

**ImaLamia**:(Still laughing) Me know, me not as naive as you can be at times. It's still funny..

**BANG**

**Seras**: what the Hell was that?!

(Alucard's gun is smoking)

**Alucard**: I TOLD YOU! (Evil smirk) Stay the fuck away from me...

**ImaLaima:**ALUCARD!! LOOK OUT!! HE IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!

(Alucard's eyes widen; He runs around like a maniac)

(Seras asn ImaLamia bust out laughing as he runs around with no one following him)

**Seras**: Haha, he was right. Your kind of humor IS funny. I guess that it is only funny when it ISN'T directed toward you.

(They leave the room; after they leave Alucard gets tackled by Anderson)

**Alucard**: HELLPPP MMMEEEEEEEEEEE!!

**A/N**

That is actually a song... it made me laugh so freaken hard... and i warned you that there would be cussing

poor Alucard

**BANG** (STAY OFF OF ME!!)

Never mind! He can take care of himself!


End file.
